Written by a Pre-School Teacher
– It says it all!
I was on a parenting bulletin board recently
and read a post by a mother who was worried that her 4 1/2 year old did not
know enough. “What should a 4 year old know?” she asked.
Most of the answers left me not only saddened
but pretty soundly annoyed. One mom posted a laundry list of all of the things
her son knew. Counting to 100, planets, how to write his first and last
name, and on and on. Others chimed in with how much more their children already
knew, some who were only three. A few posted URL’s to lists of what each age
should know. The fewest yet said that each child develops at his own pace and
not to worry.
It bothered me greatly to see these mothers
responding to a worried mom by adding to her concern, with lists of all the
things their children could do that hers couldn’t. We are such a competitive
culture that even our pre-schoolers have become trophies and bragging rights.
Childhood shouldn’t be a race.
So here, I offer my list of what a 4 year old should know.
She should know that she is loved wholly and unconditionally, all of the time.
He should know that he is safe and he should
know how to keep himself safe in public, with others, and in varied situations.
He should know that he can trust his instincts about people and that he never
has to do something that doesn’t feel right, no matter who is asking. He should
know his personal rights and that his family will back them up.
She should know how to laugh, act silly, be
goofy and use her imagination. She should know that it is always okay to paint
the sky orange and give cats 6 legs.
He should know his own interests and be
encouraged to follow them. If he could care less about learning his numbers,
his parents should realize he’ll learn them accidentally soon enough and let
him immerse himself instead in rocket ships, drawing, dinosaurs or playing in
the mud.
She should know that the world is magical and
that so is she. She should know that she’s wonderful, brilliant, creative,
compassionate and marvelous. She should know that it’s just as worthy to spend
the day outside making daisy chains, mud pies and fairy houses as it is to
practice phonics. Scratch that– way more worthy.
But more important, here’s what parents need to
know.
That every child learns to walk, talk, read and do algebra at his own pace and
that it will have no bearing on how well he walks, talks, reads or does
algebra.
That the single biggest predictor of high
academic achievement and high ACT scores is reading to children. Not flash
cards, not workbooks, not fancy preschools, not blinking toys or computers, but
mom or dad taking the time every day or night (or both!) to sit and read them
wonderful books.
That being the smartest or most accomplished
kid in class has never had any bearing on being the happiest. We are so caught
up in trying to give our children “advantages” that we’re giving them lives as
multi-tasked and stressful as ours. One of the biggest advantages we can give
our children is a simple, carefree childhood.
Our children deserve to be surrounded by books,
nature, art supplies and the freedom to explore them. Most of us could get rid
of 90% of our children’s toys and they wouldn’t be missed, but some things are
important– building toys like Lego’s and blocks, creative toys like all types
of art materials (good stuff), musical instruments (real ones and multicultural
ones), dress up clothes and books, books, books. (Incidentally, much of this
can be picked up quite cheaply at thrift shops.) They need to have the freedom
to explore with these things too– to play with scoops of dried beans in the
high chair (supervised, of course), to knead bread and make messes, to use
paint and play dough and glitter at the kitchen table while we make supper even
though it gets everywhere, to have a spot in the yard where it’s absolutely
fine to dig up all the grass and make a mud pit.
Our children need more of us. We have become so
good at saying that we need to take care of ourselves that some of us have used
it as an excuse to have the rest of the world take care of our kids. Yes, we
all need undisturbed baths, time with friends, sanity breaks and an occasional
life outside of parenthood. But we live in a time when parenting magazines
recommend trying to commit to 10 minutes a day with each child and scheduling
one Saturday a month as family day. That’s not okay!
Our children do not need Nintendo, Wii, PlayStation,
computers, after school activities, ballet lessons, play groups and soccer
practice nearly as much as they need US.
They need fathers who sit and listen to their
days, mothers who join in and make crafts with them, parents who take the time
to read them stories and act like idiots with them. They need us to take walks
with them and not mind the .1 MPH pace of a toddler on a spring night. They
deserve to help us make supper even though it takes twice as long and makes it
twice as much work. They deserve to know that they’re a priority for us and
that we truly love to be with them.
