How To Stay Connected To Your Child

Maintaining a great relationship with your maturing child is a tricky balance. Struggling with the urges to smother them with love and instead be calm and "cool" can be difficult for parents. However, it is crucial to try. When a relationship is strong, it is also sweet. 

Having and maintaining this connection will also encourage a smoother running household. A child that feels connected to their parents WANTS to cooperate and follow the rules of the home. 

We all flounder at times. There are days when you may not think to go that extra mile and instead stick to the basics, such as packing their lunch, kissing goodbye and asking how their day was. Here are 10 habits that can help strengthen your bond with your children. This blog post was inspired by Aha! Parenting which can be read HERE.  

1. Aim for 12 physical connections a day (hugs, kisses, pats on the back etc.) 

2. Bond through transitions - when your little one wakes up in the morning, have a little 5 minutes snuggle to help the transition from sleeping to waking up. When they arrive home from school, spend a few minutes of sweet time to unwind from the busy school day. 

3. PLAY - laughter is one of the best ways to form a connection! Joke around, chase, dance, sing..."Making playfulness a daily habit also gives your child a chance to work through the anxieties and upsets that otherwise make him feel disconnected -- and more likely to act out." 

4. No technology! - When you are creating a personal connection with your child, do not have the distractions of technology present. "Your child will remember for the rest of his life that he was important enough to his parents that they turned off phones and music to listen to him." 

5. Special time - Carve out 10-15 minutes a day with each one of your children individually, doing something they love to do. You will be amazed how much they will open up when the attention is on them, and ONLY them. 

6. Invite emotion - Welcome the breakdowns, accept the tears and hear them when they cry. Remember, they are comfortable enough with you to release whatever emotions are streaming through them! So listen (and see #7).  

7. Listen! - Fight the urge to comment on everything your child is saying. Let them freely talk and let their minds wander. Listen. 

8.  Slow down and savor the moment - "Share the moment with your child: let him smell the strawberrries before you put them in the smoothie.  Put your hands in the running water together and share the cool rush of the water. Smell his hair. Listen to his laughter. Look him in the eyes. Connect in the magnificence of the present moment. Which is really the only way we can connect."

9. Bedtime - A great way to end the day is with a snuggle and a chat. Recap his favorite moment of the day. Talk about the upcoming weekend. Get him excited for school tomorrow. The next day, make sure to follow up with your previous conversation. You will be amazed what can be learned in 5 minutes. 

10. Be Present - "Your child only has about 900 weeks of childhood to live", be there for them! When you are engaged with your child, live in the moment. Eliminate distractions. You won't be able to do it all the time, but it is a habit to begin forming and will come with no effort before you know it :) 

Nanny Etiquette: The Unspoken Rules

Maintaining a strong Parent/Nanny relationship is crucial for a smooth running household and the overall happiness of the family.  Many new parents are simply unaware of the "unspoken rules" of having a nanny and that is where we can help! 

As a nanny myself there are a few things that are critical when it comes to nanny etiquette (pay, time-off, schedule changes etc.)

For example, many parents do not realize the nanny is supposed to be paid even on days that they don't need us; ie. days that the children are sick or the parents have the day off work or they choose to take a vacation for even a full week!

It is wonderful to find little hints like this and can make all the difference in a nanny/family relationship.  I found some more helpful tips below for both a nanny and a parent to keep the relationship running as smooth as possible! 

NANNY DO'S

• Do provide discipline without using physical punishment. Most parents won’t like the idea of anyone but them smacking their child, if they even approve of smacking at all.
• Do assist with children’s learning by doing things like reading and allocating time for them to do their homework and following their interests.
• Do tell the parents about any accidents (however minor) that occur, and likewise if the children are sick or distressed when they are with you, even if you are afraid of how the parents will react.
• Communicate openly with the family. 
• Do respect the privacy of the family by not snooping or eavesdropping

NANNY DON'TS

• Don’t go against the requests of the parents when it comes to feeding the children, even as a treat. And try and maintain a good diet in front of the children as much as possible.
• Don’t use the television or DVD player as a babysitter and be sure to give the kids your full attention when they are awake.
• Don’t ever consume alcohol or drugs while working or within 24 hours of needing to be at work.
• Don’t ever swear or speak badly of the children’s parents in front of the children.
• Don’t use money that is supposed to be spent on the children on yourself or for things other than what it is meant to be used for. It’s a fine line between that and stealing which is obviously a definite no.
• Don’t ever impose your values (such as religion or whether Santa Claus is real) on the children you work with, especially if it is against the beliefs of the family.

Below are some tips for the parents in regard to nanny etiquette.  For more information, click on the links below!

PARENT DO'S

• Do pay your nanny on time as per the agreed terms.
• Do return home on time and call ahead if you are going to be late.
• Do be specific about the responsibilities of the job and the housekeeping duties and don’t change things without discussing them in detail with the nanny.

PARENT DON'TS

• Don’t compare your nanny to previous nannies you’ve had.
• Don’t feel insecure about your children bonding with the nanny.
• Don’t be passive aggressive when there is a problem, communicate openly about it with the nanny to resolve the issue.

Best of luck to both families and nannies alike :) 

http://www.findababysitter.com.au/Articles/Nanny-etiquette

http://www.notyouraveragenanny.com/2013/02/on-proper-etiquette-working-ashiring.html