Parental Bias When Hiring a Nanny

Parental Bias When Hiring a Nanny

As Dara Green has been in this industry for over 30 years, she has been witness to many scenarios and have listened to many parents’ preferences when regarding hiring a nanny.  From an agency perspective we have to follow the parents’ wishes in their descriptions of what type of nanny they are looking for. However, parents generate a multitude of biased perspectives during this process.

When Ms. Green was teaching preschool she had the very high honor of working with one of the most beloved and professional preschool teachers that she had ever met.  In fact, the teacher was so highly sought after by parents, that the school had to create a wait list just for children to be able to get into her 2 year-old classroom!

 That being said, now as a professional in the field and placing nannies in private homes for over 11 years, Ms. Green knows when she sees a good nanny and when she doesn't. She says," We do not discriminate as a placement agency as it is clearly not how this company operates. We truly do not see age, race, color, size or gender. We feel either you “have it” with kids, or you don’t!"  

As a company, when parents come to us in search of the perfect nanny, we must call into question their definition of “perfect”. We can ask our clients to leave their views at the door and to step in with an open mind, but when it comes down to it, it is nearly impossible to rid our minds of predispositions.  

In today’s world of self-empowerment and breaking down barriers, it may seem hard to believe that bias can still be seen as a common theme. To clarify, a bias is defined as a particular tendency, trend, inclination, feeling, or opinion, especially one that is preconceived or unreasoned. Bias can be reflected in a variety of ways such as in our culture, society, and of course our personal views.

So, where did these predisposed ideas of what a nanny should be come from? To unveil the true reasoning behind this parental bias, we must first look to the culture and society that surrounds us. Here in sunny San Diego, California we are at one of the major epicenters of modern culture. By simply stepping out into the streets of the county, it is clear to see that people of this area are upheld to higher standards. Whether it may be from the type of fashions, technology, or to the way people interact, everything is done in the latest and greatest way. But, if everything is so modern, then why are parents in this society not keeping an open mind while searching for a nanny?

Maybe this parental bias is rooted within the time frame and ways the child's parents and their parents were raised.  In previous generations, it is common knowledge that gender roles in society were different than today. Traditionally, the women and men were apart of this “separate spheres” ideology. While the men worked and participated in the business world, the women would raise children and take care of the household. In modern life, the idea of working women, and women taking the role as breadwinners, clashes with this traditional idea. The pattern seems consistent with the traditional view, that families desire women nannies to be at home with their children when mom and dad are both at work.  In addition, men taking positions as nannies and teachers goes against the traditional view.

Another question for parents, why isn’t there a larger demand for male nannies? Well, men are believed to have a different style of parenting and working with children. It is seen that they promote risk-taking and independence. Often times, fathers are given little to no credit for their children’s upbringing. This correlates with our society and culture’s views, like men and women's roles in society. If women can be successful in the business world, couldn’t men be successful in the childcare world too?

Also, could it be possible that parents hold a bias against an overweight nanny?

Believe it or not, we have experienced cases like this, so yes indeed it is true. A concern that runs through parents’ minds is could an overweight nanny be able to keep up with the hustle and bustle of my two-year-old child? This may seem like a silly question, but it is an actually common concern.

Commonly, parents hold a bias about the age of the nanny that they are searching for. A 21 year old may be young, fun, and may easily relate with the kids, but do they have enough life experience to look after my children? Or, at the other end of the spectrum, would a 65 year old be able to keep up? The great part about going through a trusted nanny agency is that it really takes this concern out of the question. By meeting with nannies that have gone through multiple interviews, responsibility and ability have already been evaluated and approved.

Overall, avoiding parental bias when hiring a nanny may just be next to impossible. Although our modern society and culture in San Diego push against males, the overweight, and the young being involved in childcare, we can try to take into account the root of the ideas and use those as a base to evolve into an open viewpoint while involved in the nanny search.

~Sara Luckham
Social Media Specialist
Seaside Staffing Company

One Of Our Favorite Topics: Helicopter Parenting!

The term "helicopter parenting" has been tossed around here and there in recent years and we find it fascinating! It is amazing to us how parents can be so involved in their children's lives that they actually create permanent, life-long confidence and self-esteem issues. A helicopter parent is one that does not let their child think for themselves and oversees every aspect of their life. Now, of course there are different ends to the spectrum, but it is shocking to see the effects of this parenting style. 

We found this interesting article about how parents are raising a generation of helpless kids. Why? How? Read below to find out! Or click HERE to see the full article. 

---

Warning signs

When a college freshman received a C- on her first test, she literally had a meltdown in class. Sobbing, she texted her mother who called back, demanding to talk to the professor immediately (he, of course, declined). Another mother accompanied her child on a job interview, then wondered why he didn't get the job.

A major employer reported that during a job interview, a potential employee told him that she would have his job within 18 months. It didn't even cross her mind that he had worked 20 years to achieve his goal.

Sound crazy?

Sadly, the stories are all true, says Tim Elmore, founder and president of a non-profit, Growing Leaders, and author of the "Habitudes®" series of books, teacher guides, DVD kits and survey courses. "Gen Y (and iY) kids born between 1984 and 2002 have grown up in an age of instant gratification. iPhones, iPads, instant messaging and immediate access to data is at their fingertips," he says. "Their grades in school are often negotiated by parents rather than earned and they are praised for accomplishing little. They have hundreds of Facebook and Twitter 'friends,' but often few real connections."

To turn the tide, Growing Leaders is working with 5,000 public schools, universities, civic organizations, sports teams and corporations across the country and internationally to help turn young people -- particularly those 16 to 24 -- into leaders. "We want to give them the tools they lack before they've gone through three marriages and several failed business ventures," he says.

But why have parents shifted from teaching self-reliance to becoming hovering helicopter parents who want to protect their children at all costs?

"I think it began in the fall of 1982, when seven people died after taking extra-strength Tylenol laced with poison after it left the factory," he says. Halloween was just around the corner, and parents began checking every item in the loot bags. Homemade brownies and cookies (usually the most coveted items) hit the garbage; unwrapped candy followed close behind.

That led to an obsession with their children's safety in every aspect of their lives. Instead of letting them go outside to play, parents filled their kid's spare time with organized activities, did their homework for them, resolved their conflicts at school with both friends and teachers, and handed out trophies for just showing up.

"These well-intentioned messages of 'you're special' have come back to haunt us," Elmore says. "We are consumed with protecting them instead of preparing them for the future. We haven't let them fall, fail and fear. The problem is that if they don't take risks early on like climbing the monkey bars and possibly falling off, they are fearful of every new endeavor at age 29."

Psychologists and psychiatrists are seeing more and more young people having a quarter-life crisis and more cases of clinical depression. The reason? Young people tell them it's because they haven't yet made their first million or found the perfect mate.

Teachers, coaches and executives complain that Gen Y kids have short attention spans and rely on external, instead of internal motivation. The goal of Growing Leaders is to reverse the trend and help young people become more creative and self-motivated so they can rely on themselves and don't need external motivation.

Family psychologist John Rosemond agrees. In a February 2 article in the Atlanta Journal Constitution, he points out that new research finds that rewards often backfire, producing the opposite effect of that intended. When an aggressive child is rewarded for not being aggressive for a short period of time, he is likely to repeat the bad behavior to keep the rewards coming.

Where did we go wrong?

• We've told our kids to dream big - and now any small act seems insignificant. In the great scheme of things, kids can't instantly change the world. They have to take small, first steps - which seem like no progress at all to them. Nothing short of instant fame is good enough. "It's time we tell them that doing great things starts with accomplishing small goals," he says.

• We've told our kids that they are special - for no reason, even though they didn't display excellent character or skill, and now they demand special treatment. The problem is that kids assumed they didn't have to do anything special in order to bespecial.

• We gave our kids every comfort - and now they can't delay gratification. And we heard the message loud and clear. We, too, pace in front of the microwave, become angry when things don't go our way at work, rage at traffic. "Now it's time to relay the importance of waiting for the things we want, deferring to the wishes of others and surrendering personal desires in the pursuit of something bigger than 'me,'" Elmore says.

• We made our kid's happiness a central goal - and now it's difficult for them to generate happiness -- the by-product of living a meaningful life. "It's time we tell them that our goal is to enable them to discover their gifts, passions and purposes in life so they can help others. Happiness comes as a result."

The uncomfortable solutions:

"We need to let our kids fail at 12 - which is far better than at 42," he says. "We need to tell them the truth (with grace) that the notion of 'you can do anything you want' is not necessarily true."

Kids need to align their dreams with their gifts. Every girl with a lovely voice won't sing at the Met; every Little League baseball star won't play for the major leagues.

• Allow them to get into trouble and accept the consequences. It's okay to make a "C-." Next time, they'll try harder to make an "A".

• Balance autonomy with responsibility. If your son borrows the car, he also has to re-fill the tank.

• Collaborate with the teacher, but don't do the work for your child. If he fails a test, let him take the consequences.

"We need to become velvet bricks," Elmore says, "soft on the outside and hard on the inside and allow children to fail while they are young in order to succeed when they are adults."

Next Teaching Style: #2 Montessori!

Day 2 of our teaching styles series is Montessori schooling! Read below to learn more about this interactive and fun philosophy and get some ideas for Montessori-related activities.   

Montessori schooling began in the late 1800s by an Italian physician and educator. The first Montessori based classroom was opened in 1907 in Rome. 

This educational style is characterized by an emphasis on independence, freedom within limits, and respect for a child’s natural psychological, physical, and social development. This level of learning is reached by a few specific requirements:

• Mixed age classrooms, with classrooms for children ages 21⁄2 or 3 to 6 years old by far the most common
• Student choice of activity from within a prescribed range of options
• Uninterrupted blocks of work time, ideally three hours
• A constructivist or "discovery" model, where students learn concepts from working with materials, rather than by direct instruction
• Specialized educational materials developed by Montessori and her collaborators
• Freedom of movement within the classroom
• A trained Montessori teacher

The teacher, child, and environment create a learning triangle. The classroom is  prepared by the teacher to encourage independence, freedom within limits, and a sense of order. The child, through individual choice, makes use of what the environment offers to develop himself, interacting with the teacher when support and/or guidance is needed.

Montessori education offers our children opportunities to develop their potential as they step out into the world as engaged, competent, responsible, and respectful citizens with an understanding and appreciation that learning is for life.

• Each child is valued as a unique individual. Montessori education recognizes that children learn in different ways, and accommodates all learning styles. 
• Beginning at an early age, Montessori students develop order, coordination, concentration, and independence. Classroom design, materials, and daily routines support the individual’s emerging “self-regulation” (ability to educate one’s self, and to think about what one is learning), toddlers through adolescents.
• Students are part of a close, caring community. The multi-age classroom—typically spanning 3 years—re-creates a family structure. Older students enjoy stature as mentors and role models; younger children feel supported and gain confidence about the challenges ahead. Teachers model respect, loving kindness, and a belief in peaceful conflict resolution.
• Montessori students enjoy freedom within limits. Working within parameters set by their teachers, students are active participants in deciding what their focus of learning will be. Montessorians understand that internal satisfaction drives the child’s curiosity and interest and results in joyous learning that is sustainable over a lifetime.
• Students are supported in becoming active seekers of knowledge. Teachers provide environments where students have the freedom and the tools to pursue answers to their own questions.
• Self-correction and self-assessment are an integral part of the Montessori classroom approach. As they mature, students learn to look critically at their work, and become adept at recognizing, correcting, and learning from their errors.

---

 

He doesn't think about it. He goes to his shelves (in this case in our art cupboard) selects a tray, takes it to his table, sets up the activity (here it involves getting one of two more items including the place mat and water for the jar), completes the activity, packs everything away or back on the tray and returns the tray to the shelf. 

The mystery bag has long been a favorite children's activity. Usually it is simply a cloth bag or box with a hole for your child's hands, through which she can touch and manipulate objects that she cannot see. To play you will need a collection of small object with which your child is familiar and which she can name. While she closes her eyes, place an object inside the bag and challenge her to identify it by touch alone. If your child guesses correctly, you and your child switch roles. Keep this game going for older children by making it more difficult, using different coins, shells, or geometric shapes, for example.  - See more at: http://www.howwemontessori.com/how-we-montessori/activities/#sthash.xRFRk7Hl.dpuf

 

Sources:

American Montessori Society

How We Montessori 

A MUST READ On The Parenting Crisis

When walking into a home, a person can usually tell if the (adorable) 2 year old toddler, sitting in his high-chair, is running the show. Mom will, without hesitation, drop everything she is doing to answer his million questions, get him the proper spoon to eat his yogurt or pick up the toy that was dropped. She will allow her adult conversation to be interrupted to avoid a tantrum. Mom is so concerned with keeping the child happy, she puts everything else happening around her on hold. We see it ALL the time in modern-parenting.

This is the parenting crisis we are facing today. Even though mom/dad/aunt/WHOEVER is just trying to be kind to her little one, rules need to be enforced. The 2 year old cannot rule the home!

We found an article that briefly covers the 5 main problems of parenting today. The author of blog "Keep Calm and Parent On", Emma Jenner, explains the importance of instilling manners in your child from a young age, patience and rules.

I encourage you to read this article; whether you are a nanny, mom, grandma, teacher or simply a child-lover. There are very important points made and we even had a chuckle or two while reading.

1. A fear of our children. 

I have what I think of as "the sippy cup test," wherein I will observe a parent getting her toddler a cup of milk in the morning. If the child says, "I want the pink sippy cup, not the blue!" yet the mum has already poured the milk into the blue sippy cup, I watch carefully to see how the parent reacts. More often than not, the mum's face whitens and she rushes to get the preferred sippy cup before the child has a tantrum. Fail! What are you afraid of, mum? Who is in charge here? Let her have a tantrum, and remove yourself so you don't have to hear it. But for goodness' sake, don't make extra work for yourself just to please her -- and even more importantly, think about the lesson it teaches if you give her what she wants because she's thrown a fit.

2. A lowered bar. 

When children misbehave, whether it's by way of public outburst or private surliness, parents are apt to shrug their shoulders as if to say, "That's just the way it is with kids." I assure you, it doesn't have to be. Children are capable of much more than parents typically expect from them, whether it's in the form of proper manners, respect for elders, chores, generosity or self-control. You don't think a child can sit through dinner at a restaurant? Rubbish. You don't think a child can clear the table without being asked? Rubbish again! The only reason they don't behave is because you haven't shown them how and you haven't expected it! It's that simple. Raise the bar and your child shall rise to the occasion.

3. We've lost the village. 

It used to be that bus drivers, teachers, shopkeepers and other parents had carte blanche to correct an unruly child. They would act as the mum and dad's eyes and ears when their children were out of sight, and everyone worked towards the same shared interest: raising proper boys and girls. This village was one of support. Now, when someone who is not the child's parent dares to correct him, the mum and dad get upset. They want their child to appear perfect, and so they often don't accept teachers' and others' reports that he is not. They'll storm in and have a go at a teacher rather than discipline their child for acting out in class. They feel the need to project a perfect picture to the world and unfortunately, their insecurity is reinforced because many parents do judge one another. If a child is having a tantrum, all eyes turn on the mum disapprovingly. Instead she should be supported, because chances are the tantrum occurred because she's not giving in to one of her child's demands. Those observers should instead be saying, "Hey, good work -- I know setting limits is hard."

4. A reliance on shortcuts. 

I think it's wonderful that parents have all sorts of electronics to help them through airline flights and long waits at the doctor's office. It's equally fabulous that we can order our groceries online for delivery, and heat up healthy-ish food at the touch of a button on the microwave. Parents are busier than ever, and I'm all for taking the easy way when you need it. But shortcuts can be a slippery slope. When you see how wonderful it is that Caillou can entertain your child on a flight, don't be tempted to put it on when you are at a restaurant. Children must still learn patience. They must still learn to entertain themselves. They must still learn that not all food comes out steaming hot and ready in three minutes or less, and ideally they will also learn to help prepare it. Babies must learn to self-soothe instead of sitting in a vibrating chair each time they're fussy. Toddlers need to pick themselves up when they fall down instead of just raising their arms to mum and dad. Show children that shortcuts can be helpful, but that there is great satisfaction in doing things the slow way too.

5. Parents put their children's needs ahead of their own. 

Naturally, parents are wired to take care of their children first, and this is a good thing for evolution! I am an advocate of adhering to a schedule that suits your child's needs, and of practices like feeding and clothing your children first. But parents today have taken it too far, completely subsuming their own needs and mental health for the sake of their children. So often I see mums get up from bed again and again to fulfill the whims of their child. Or dads drop everything to run across the zoo to get their daughter a drink because she's thirsty. There is nothing wrong with not going to your child when she wants yet another glass of water at night. There's nothing wrong with that dad at the zoo saying, "Absolutely you can have something to drink, but you must wait until we pass the next drinking fountain." There is nothing wrong with using the word "No" on occasion, nothing wrong with asking your child to entertain herself for a few minutes because mummy would like to use the toilet in private or flick through a magazine for that matter.

I fear that if we don't start to correct these five grave parenting mistakes, and soon, the children we are raising will grow up to be entitled, selfish, impatient and rude adults. It won't be their fault -- it will be ours. We never taught them any differently, we never expected any more of them. We never wanted them to feel any discomfort, and so when they inevitably do, they are woefully unprepared for it. So please, parents and caregivers from London to Los Angeles, and all over the world, ask more. Expect more. Share your struggles. Give less. And let's straighten these children out, together, and prepare them for what they need to be successful in the real world and not the sheltered one we've made for them.

Helicopter Parenting: Not A Pretty View

A nanny used the term "Helicopter Parenting" to describe one of the mothers she worked with. (She was letting me know the "types of personalities" that she is comfortable working with.) So I just thought the term was so "well coined" I decided I would look it up. 

Turns out, this style of parenting is more common than we think! Unfortunately, it tends to lead to some serious social issues for the child in the future.

I found this on Parents.com and I thought it was worth posting. The video at the end is also great, as defines the 4 different types of parenting styles that we bring our children up with.

What type of parenting style are you??

http://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/what-is-helicopter-parenting/